//Silver Ankle Bracelet//
I wanted one
just like my mother ;
with little beads that danced everytime I moved.
I’d move in a rhythm too.
It hurt everyday when I had to wear my white socks and tie my black shoelace.
It made marks on my skin
and it wasn’t silver like I thought back then.
I’d spend hours looking at my feet
keeping it on for some more days.
It was beautiful.
I want you,
just like my mother’s silver ankle bracelet.
I feel a rhythm inside me, with you.
It hurts everyday.
The marks it makes are not red like I thought love usually made.
But I spend hours looking at you
and it’s beautiful.
It’s quiet now, unlike the sweet noise my mother’s silver anklet made.
So I have promises to keep,
the ones we promised together,
the ones I have made to keep myself sane because I need them to make those noises inside me.
That’s all, maybe.
Now that you’re gone, I miss you.
I wanted to miss you this time because everything’s gone wrong between us now.
I held your hand for the last time, after everything. I wanted you to know I’m there though all I wanted was for you to leave.
I wasn’t scared because of you. It was me.
I slowly placed my other hand too.
I wanted you to stop because I could feel everything you were feeling and I didn’t want to know that I was not feeling what you were.
You didn’t stop and this time I realized.
I didn’t feel.
But whose fault was that?
Let’s just blame our promises.
I’m sorry I’ve become cold.
Finally, roles switched. I wasn’t glad.
Music is the most singular thing I have. Some lyrics, some beat,some tune, some emotions, some time only.I wish I could say I can feel my pulse when I’m listening to music but I don’t. I only feel me, better. I can’t feel any dopamine rush but I know it’s the reason. When everything’s the same, some music takes me places inside me. It’s not an escape, it’s getting closer. Sometimes it’s torture, sometimes it’s healing.I wish I could explain better. It does so much for me.
This song explains things.For now or thousands of now’s. Who knows? I feel so much of myself. It means so many different things to different people, but to me, it’s singular. Like it is to you. It’s always singular feeling. Sometimes I let music affect me. This is one of those songs and one of those moments. Did you ever? I don’t know if anyone feels this way but it takes a lot of guts to let it affect you. Again, it’s a singular concept.And it’s affecting me now, because things are so heavy lately ;so heavy.
Now I’m in my little headspace with this music inside me, in my room.For all I know, I’m singular with this lyric, beat, tune, emotion and time.
It’s a strange night, tonight. I don’t know why but I’ve decided not to wake up tomorrow. I’ll rise from my sleep hours with my results. Although, I’ve just been staring out of my window.
It has a fresh smell. The sweet, misty smell after rain.
It’s strange but it will be the complete opposite of my life tomorrow and the day after that and the next.
I am scared.
I feel weird.
Somehow, tomorrow I’ll start organising my life and I know it won’t go right. I trust my instincts.
I have not calculated my marks. I don’t trust it. I don’t trust my music playlist either. I’ve chosen Radio instead, tonight.
I’ve watched Newton tonight. But have I?
Slowly, with the hours, I am vanishing into strangeness .
Maybe tomorrow, my dreams would be strangers too.
Tonight is weird.
Have you tried looking deep into someone’s eyes to find stars? You must have discovered galaxies then. Haven’t you?
Love is, indeed, a powerful force.
You do everything. To explain how it has beguiled your senses . How much the presence of someone matters ,how he/she draws you towards him/her.
I don’t believe there is anything like love at first sight. How can you love someone’s whole at your first sight? It takes time. It’s like the ocean waves. Oh! So wild. The current keeps hitting you again and again. It warns you, it doesn’t lets you in. But you keep pushing. Going deeper and deeper. You want to taste the strong winds and the sublime beauty they talk about. And finally you lose your power. It’s so secluding ,losing control.
But you miss it after a while. That control. You want to, but not yours.
At times you feel like you were looking down at the shattered pieces of your own heart everytime you said you were in love. And then you realize, you’ve been drowning.
It starts consuming you from the moment you are ‘in’ it. The ocean consumes you whole.
Love is a uniquely devastating emotion. Nothing comes close to its undisputed power to consume us, ruin us, and leave us in a devastated puddle of sad times, never to recover.
You are charmed if your heart is in one piece yet. Or if someone fills you with the parts you are losing, loving. Because there is no sadness quite as profound as romantic disappointment.